Are You Teaching Your Child Self-Denial?

Recently, the girls and I went shopping for our Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes. Several days prior, I shared with them a new rule.

"Nothing new from now until Christmas." 

From the middle of November until December 25th, we spend money only on essentials. No new toys, clothes, books, or music. Of course there can be exceptions, but the point of the rule is (1) to learn self-denial and (2) to thank God for providing all we need.

However, no matter how many times we discuss this rule, children 5 & under don't always get the message, especially when surrounded by Disney princesses.  

So, when my three-year-old threw a temper tantrum in the Dollar Tree when I would not buy her Sofia the First crayons, I knew it was time to sit down and talk. 

"But, Mama, I need them."

"No, Cora, honey, you don't need Sofia crayons; you want them. Today we are shopping for your friend, not you. Remember our rule: Nothing new until after Christmas."

My child honestly believed she deserved those crayons and that I was being mean for denying them to her. Where would she get such a notion?

Why is a rule like mine necessary? 

This time of year every store is mailing out its Christmas Wish Books in hopes that children like ours will circle everything they want Santa to bring: Legos, Doc McStuffins toys, iPods, and tablets. And the truth of the matter: they will get all or most of them.

Why? 

Because of our disdain for self-denial. 

We don't like to be told no, and we also don't like saying no to our children. When our daughter does poorly on her college exam, what do we do? We call the school and demand answers from the professor (source)!

We are teaching our children that they deserve everything -- new gadgets, good grades, the best jobs: Hard work not required.

But what our children (and many of us, I dare say) haven't grasped is that all the trinkets in the world will never satisfy our desire for more. There will always be something newer, shinier, faster that we need.

Not until we are filled with the Spirit and drink the water of life (John 4:13-15) will we know contentment, gratitude, and peace. Only then will we be able to say no to more and yes to Jesus. 

So what do we do? 

First of all, we teach our children self-denial. Self-denial is one step we can take to help our children cultivate gratitude and contentment.

Denying my girls new things for 6 weeks out of the year is hardly sacrificial, but it's a start. In this "get-what-you-want-when-you-want-it" culture, we parents need to start saying no when our children ask for more. 

I want my daughters to desire Jesus more than Dora, to thirst for the living water more than Sofia, and to hunger for the bread of life more than Doc McStuffins. 

"O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; 

my soul thirsts for You,

my body longs for You,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water."
Psalm 63:1 

How are you teaching your children self-denial today? Are they learning to deny themselves and be content with what they have? Or are you giving them everything (or most of the things) they want?

Do you have a rule like mine, or am I just a meanie?

For other posts on Entitlement.  
Blessings to you, sweet Mama,


 

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for when you want to escape

 
Yesterday, I read this quote with a smile. 

"Amen, sister!" I thought. 

But when I re-read it today, I got angry. No one would take a nap. The baby had been screaming all morning. The preschooler's antics were simply enervating. I'm tired. My husband had been working all weekend, and I felt like I hadn't had a moment to exhale.

Every ounce of my being was screaming, 

"But I need a break! I deserve some peace and quiet! My family is driving me crazy! When do I get some me time?!" 

And I'm throwing a big ol' pity party all by my lonesome. 

But Brenneman is right. 

In those moments when my sanity is hanging by a thread, running from my family anywhere else is simply not the answer. Instead, what I need to do is deny my self and run straight to the cross.

Wise women have told me that parenting is part of the sanctification process. Our children refine us by their actions (or inaction), words, and behavior. We discover our weaknesses while mothering our children. Honestly, despite my red hair, I never knew I had a temper until a toddler tested me.

 

When we're walking through the refining fires, it's tempting to want to escape. It's too hot. We hurt. We're exhausted. The weight of it all is too much for us. And it is if we try to do it on our own.  

We can't be the best mothers unless we seek God's help in the process. Our children refine us to His glory when we choose to run to God for help rather than escape the flames. 

Escape is not always the best answer.

That's not to say we don't all need some quiet time alone for introspection and reflection. I need it desperately. What I mean is that it's easy to throw in the towel, hand the baby to hubby, and announce your departure: "Good luck! I'm outta here!"

When I'm tired and overwhelmed by the weight of all that's heaped on my plate, that's when I need to run to Jesus for comfort.

Our families should be our joy. 
Our homes should be the only place we want to be.
Our lives should be spent honoring Christ as our first priority.

We should be sad inside when we're separated from our children or our husbands, not jumping up and down in glee that we have some time to ourselves.

Those are hard words to hear, I know, because they're hard for me to type. The world tells us children are a burden, that we "deserve" our time because it will make us happy, and we deserve happiness. Yet, my heart has always felt guilty for wanting time alone. Now I see why. God didn't want it this way. 

I haven't arrived as a Mom. I never will. Even today, I desperately wanted to cop out, but I didn't. 

Why? 

Because I feel a beautiful change in my heart that I can only explain as the Holy Spirit working in me. He is growing my love for my family and shrinking my love of me. It's a gradual, one-step-forward two-steps-back kind of dance, but as I cling to Him in the midst of rough days like today, I see the moments where He was moving: pulling me to Him when I wanted to run, making me smile when my kids acted silly, stirring up laughter just when we all were crumbling.

Instead of checking out when life becomes challenging, instead of complaining about the sparse time I have for myself, instead of demanding that I be happy, I'm learning-- day to day, with God's help-- to deny myself, cling to the cross, and look for moments of peace here in this place.  

In my home. 
Among my family. 
Surrounded by those I love most. 
With Christ in our midst.

This is where I'm supposed to be. 


What about you? Specifically for those of you who have found peace and joy being at home among your family rather than out in the world, how have you done it? What advice do you have for a young mom of little ones who craves a quiet space but also desperately wants to continue growing in love for her family?

May God continue to richly bless you!

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Related posts:
Battling Entitlement in Our Homes
When I Feel Like I Deserve _____________ 
What to do When You Feel Entitled : 5 Tips to Tackle Discontent


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Battling Entitlement in Our Homes

"Mom, give me some gum." 
"Gimme a piece of candy." 
"I need a cracker."
"Can I have something to drink?"

Every.single.time we get in the car those are the very first words out of my children's mouths. We haven't pulled out of the driveway even, and they're asking for something. 

Sure, I'm at least partly to blame. I have acquiesced so many times that they've become conditioned to expect those things, so when I say "no," they don't understand.

And when they hear no from me, they cry and whine and demand: 

"Mama, why?" 

And the why isn't just: 

"Why can't we have a piece of gum?"

It's really: 

"Why can't I have what I want? Don't I deserve it? Don't you love me?"

Well, the truth is that I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this insatiable desire for more and the whining that commences when that demand isn't fulfilled.

I'm sick of feeling guilty for not giving more to my kids. This foolish idea that parents should want to give their children a better life than they themselves had is rubbish. The goal for our children should not be happiness but self-denial for the sake of the Cross. But right now they're not getting that, and that's largely my fault.

My kids aren't the only ones suffering from this heart condition, this "I'm-entitled-and-deserve-more" disease that distorts reality and diminishes God to god status. This illness afflicts many Christians I know and, I'd venture to guess, a great percentage of the population in this all-too-abundantly-blessed nation.

Don't get me wrong; I'm grateful to be living in this country, but if I hear one more time that everyone deserves to go to college, I think I'll be ill.

Photo Credit

    
I'm sick of people feeling entitled, as if they've done something grand and wonderful like cure cancer or rid the world of mosquitoes, that they've earned the right to say, "I deserve this."

I'm fed up with people whining about missed opportunities and shattered dreams, about lost chances and wrecked plans, about misrepresentations and disappointing childhoods.

Get over it already. Move on. Count your blessings and name them one by one. Stop missing out on the good in your life by dwelling on the what-might-have-beens. There's a reason. Figure it out, and if you can't, ask God.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."

Matthew 5:6

I'm tired of hearing my own kids grumble when I don't oblige their every whim and buy them new princess dresses or sparkly bracelets, when I don't cave to their tantrums and take them to "McSonic," when they think I'm being outrageous for not giving them what they deserve.

"Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth."

Matthew 5:5

 Photo Credit

I'm annoyed at myself for thinking I deserve something more, something better than this beautiful life I've been given.

As if I deserve anything.

 As if this house, these clothes, my car are something I've earned.

As if this flesh is anything more than dust and dirt.

As if my breath is my own.

As if in one moment, I could choose to destroy everything and everyone.

As if I'm the Maker, Creator, Life-Giver and Life-Taker-Away.

As if God owes me something. 

"Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 5:3

Photo Credit

We are blessed beyond our own comprehension, and yet our human tendencies scream:

"I deserve more!"  

"Give me more!"

"Stop telling me no!"

"I'm special. I'm somebody."

And sometimes I want to tell those people--myself and my own children included:

"No, you are nobody. The only thing we deserve is death. We have done nothing and can do nothing to ever deserve what all we've been given. The only one who deserves anything, the only one who has earned the number 1 spot is Jesus, the one who gave up everything so we could argue we deserved it."

But then I would be accused of harming their fragile egos and destroying their self-esteem.

Those are three adjectives I never want ascribed to or characteristic of myself or my children. But right now, they're in danger--I'm in danger--of all three. Something has to change. 

So, I'm on a mission to reclaim my family from this pack of lies, empty half-truths that pollute our lives and whisper seductively in our ears that we are all those things and more.

I want to empty my flesh and mind of those lies and re-fill that void with these adjectives instead:

It's going to take some serious work and lots of prayer to see this happen, but the Holy Spirit has put this issue on my heart, so I know He will see it through. I'm not finished with this; expect to see more posts in the coming weeks.

What about you? Do you see this entitlement attitude in your corner of the world? If so, how do you work against it for your self and your children? 

I would greatly appreciate any suggestions you have to offer. 

Praying for wisdom,

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"Eat Your Vegetables Day": Tips for Adding More Veggies to Your Diet!

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Did you know that Monday, June 17, is 

"Eat Your Vegetables Day"?

One of my goals for the summer is to eat more fruits & veggies and less meats and dairy. We're trying to eat a little healthier and get our kids to see that vegetables are indeed yummy. Honestly, I haven't done the best job of incorporating a variety of produce into our diet, and that's a shame because according to the USDA, we're supposed to be eating between 2 & 3 cups of vegetables every day!

We are working towards that goal s-l-o-w-l-y but surely. I hope some of these tips will help YOU add more veggies to your family's diet.

• Start a garden. Let your kids pick out vegetable and fruit plants and then help you plant them. If you have limited space, try using large pots or even 5-gallon buckets. Just be sure to drill holes in the bottom for good drainage.

• Visit the local farmer’s market, and let your children pick out their own vegetables. 

 

Source: simplebites.net via Keri on Pinterest

• Make a do-it-yourself salad bar. Everyone can create his or her own salad! 

•  Try some new veggies you’ve never tasted before or cook up some of your favorites in a different way like braising, sautéing, or roasting.

• Go vegetarian just for the day. Instead of meat, substitute beans and, of course, veggies. 

Source: neatstuff.info via Keri on Pinterest

• Make vegetables the main course instead of simply a side. For example, have a main dish salad or grill veggie kabobs. Let the veggies be the star of the show for once!

• Challenge yourself to literally “taste the rainbow!” Your children will love creating a visual rainbow from the veggies you have on hand.

• Keep washed vegetables in the refrigerator for snacks. My kids love dipping baby carrots, broccoli florets, and cucumber and pepper slices into this delicious homemade Ranch dressing.

 

Source: cookiemonstercooking.com via Keri on Pinterest

• Add veggies to your kids' favorite foods. For example: add peas or broccoli to mac & cheese; grate zucchini and carrots into spaghetti sauce; finely chop veggies into quesadillas; make veggie pizzas.

• Try a new veggie recipe like some of the ones listed below. You can even eat your vegetables at breakfast time!

 

Source: foodiecrush.com via Keri on Pinterest

 

Breakfast

On the Go Egg & Vegetable Breakfast Sandwich
Greek Omelet
Summer Vegetable Frittata

Source: myrecipes.com via Keri on Pinterest

 Lunch

Grilled Vegetable Gazpacho
Grilled Farmers’ Market Sandwiches
Pinto, Black & Red Bean Salad with Grilled Corn & Avocado
Summer Grilled Vegetable Pizzas
Napa Cabbage Spring Rolls
 

Source: marthastewart.com via Keri on Pinterest

Dinner

Portobello Burgers
Fresh Vegetable Quesadillas with Corn Relish
Ratatouille
Easy Italian Summer Salad

Celebrate "Eat Your Vegetables Day" on Monday with your family!

How do YOU get more veggies into YOUR family's diet? I'd love to know!

 

*For these and other great veggie recipes, follow me on Pinterest.

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Slowing Down: What the Weary Do When They Finally Reach Their Limit

 Photo credit: Omer Unlu

Life has been hectic lately. I haven't had much time to blog. I've read very little in terms of books. My to-do list never seems to get done, and my email inbox is maxed out.

I feel like I'm always rushing from one thing to another, and in the process, my kids are getting the worst of me. We're always late somewhere, and I'm usually yelling at someone for causing our tardiness.

Our oldest, Kate, has already commented several times lately that she doesn't want to do ballet or play any sports this fall because she is tired and wants to stay home. When the always-on-the-go child says that, you know everyone needs a break.

For those reasons (and more), I want to slow down. I am looking forward to the summer when we have no commitments, no pressures on us to be on time and fully clothed, no practices or anything we have to do. I'm anticipating time to unwind, play in the kiddie pool, stay home, and slow down. And I'm thinking about plans for the fall and ways we can continue the slow, stay-at-home approach even then (unless we need a shift back the other way).

In the meantime, I'm trying to prioritize better right now, find a more equitable balance, and relax a little more with my husband and kids. If I'm not blogging a lot, then you know I don't have anything worthy to report. Instead, I'm baking, reading, planning, or playing. 

Bear with me during this season. The Lord is good. I am only following His lead.

I hope you will take time today to "taste and see that Lord is good..." (Psalm 34:8).

Blessings to you,

Creating a Seasonal Table for Valentine's Day {Or, My Attempts to Grow as a Homemaker}

Photo Credit: libertygrace0

I want to grow in so many ways as a wife, a mom, and a child of God. One area in which I am always in need of "cultivation" is homemaking. It just doesn't come naturally to me. My mom could decorate an entire room in one trip to TJ Maxx and an hour's worth of work, but unfortunately, her decorating knack did not pass down to me.

However, I desperately want my house to be a home where we can grow together as a family, and I want our children to participate in it, too.

That's why this year I am introducing a "seasonal table" to our home.

What is a Seasonal Table?

Source: goldensunfamily.blogspot.com via Keri on Pinterest

For those of you, like me, who are unfamiliar with the seasonal table, it comes from Waldorf education principles, which encourage children to be lifelong learners through exploration and interaction in areas of interest. While I'm not a Waldorf fan for the most part, I do like this concept.

A seasonal table (or nature table) is whatever you want it to be. It can be very simply or elaborately decorated. But the contents of the table usually revolve around a particular season, holiday, time of year, or theme. It may be nature-based or not.

How to Create a Seasonal Table?

Source: seasonsnaturaltoys.blogspot.com via Keri on Pinterest

The first step in creating a seasonal table is finding a table and space accessible to your children. I chose a modest end table on loan from my mom. It's small but at the perfect height for young children. 

I have a small area in our living room that we are using to house our seasonal table. Limited space is no problem.

Then, simply gather materials you already have, find outside, or you buy at the store. How much or how little you spend is entirely up to you! 

How you arrange your seasonal table is also up to you. I have NO decorating skills whatsoever; however, the kids can't tell. They just love to see a space that is open for their little hands to play with and explore.

Take it down and start over again for each new holiday, season, or family event.

Our Valentine's Day Table

 

I have attempted the seasonal table before but never consistently. This year I aim to change that beginning with a table centered around Valentine's Day.

Because of so many illnesses in our family the past two weeks, I have not done the best job at finding as many "child-friendly" items as I'd have liked. However, the children are allowed to touch and play with any of the objects--even the breakable ones; however, they cannot take the items out of the room.

Beside the table is a basket filled with books relevant to the particular season, holiday, or theme. Here are our Valentine's Day books.

  
And on both sides of the table are chairs on which a child can sit and look at one of the books or play with items on the table.

It's all about the children's interaction. This heart-shaped glass bowl ($1 at the Dollar Tree) is filled with heart-shaped stickers. The girls can pick one out any time they do something kind or loving to another. 

 

The other knicknacks on the table afford little hands with opportunities to touch, take apart, explore, create, and imagine. My four-year-old has already asked if we can put a different picture in the Love frame and why the red heart-shaped box is empty. We will be doing something there for sure.

All of the decorations on our seasonal table are inexpensive: I bought the majority at the Dollar Tree and Goodwill, so if something does get broken, it's not a big deal. 

 

I'm not a decorator, nor do I claim to be one. But I am working on becoming a better homemaker because I want to build a home of love. A seasonal table is just one way to do that.

How do you instill the seasons, holidays, or other themes into your home throughout the year? 

Have you ever attempted a seasonal table?
 
I would LOVE to hear your ideas! I may just include them in a future post!

{For more seasonal table ideas, follow me on Pinterest!}


Blessings to you as you grow in God's glory,

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5 Reasons Why We Go to Church When It's Easier to Stay Home

Photo Credit: AndrewH.uk

Last Sunday as our family left the church building, my heart raged within me. Fighting back tears of shame, anger, and disappointment, I wondered why we even bother going to church. Surely an at-home family devotional would be better for us given the season we're in. 

With three girls ages 4, 2, and 6 months, our family is loud, dramatic, and high energy. We spend the majority of most worship services keeping the 4 year old from bothering her sister, shushing the 2 year old, and entertaining the baby. Honestly, I haven't heard a full sermon in years!

So, this past Sunday, after all three children disturbed the entire congregation with their crying, whining, even flat out screaming, I began to question my reasons and motives for attending church at all. 

Why Do We Go To Church? 

1. To worship God, to give Him the praise and glory He deserves

When I asked my 4 year old this morning why we go to church, I was humbled by her response: "To worship God!" She had been listening the 100 times I had taken her out of service to discipline her and explain that concept to her. But worship is the number 1 reason we go to church: to humble ourselves and acknowledge He alone is worthy of praise.

"Come, let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;
for He is our God
and we are the people of His pasture,
the flock under His care." 

Psalm 95:6-7

Yes, I can worship God at home, in the car, at the store, wherever. But what better time and place is there to worship the Creator of the Sabbath than on Sunday, with my fellow saints? 

In addition, my children need to know that we go to church not to color pictures or see our friends but to give God glory in our singing, praying, listening, and worshipping in our hearts. Unless we are actively participating in and attending church, our children cannot and will not learn how to worship.

2. To take communion with the body of Christ

When I break bread and drink the fruit of the vine with other Christians, I am united with them in the great sacrifice Christ made for us. Together, we recall how Christ's body was broken and His blood shed to take away our sins. Together, we remember and give thanks.

"Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ? Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all partake of the one loaf." 

I Corinthians 10:16-17

At our church we take communion every Sunday. Thus, we have many opportunities to share the Gospel with our curious young children. Communion provides the perfect time to explain what the grape juice and bread represent, why we take it, how it should be taken, and when they will be able to participate too.

With our oldest daughter, we give her money each week from her chores, a portion of which she is expected to give back to God. In this way, we are teaching her that all we have comes from God, an important lesson for a child who believes everything is hers. 

3. To encourage my fellow brothers & sisters in Christ (and in turn to be encouraged myself).

As the Day of the Lord draws nearer, I believe Satan is working harder than ever to keep people from following Jesus. I have felt his pull on me countless times. Going to church with others who are struggling spiritually like me strengthens my faith in God and helps me persevere.

"Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching!" 

Hebrews 10:25

It is because of the challenges of going to church that I go. I crave the encouragement and love of my church family. Fellowship with other like-minded believers keeps me pressing on toward the goal because I know I am not alone in the trials I am facing.

4. To partake of the Bread of Life

Even if I don't hear an entire sermon because the baby's hungry or the toddler needs my attention, I pick up bits and pieces of God's Word throughout worship that pierce my heart and put me in the right frame of mind. 

I need to remember that the physical needs I have--for food, clothes, peace & quiet--will never give me the fullness of life I desire. Only through partaking of the Bread of Life will I be filled spiritually for eternity.

"Then Jesus declared, 'I am the Bread of Life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in Me will never be thirsty.'" 

John 6:35

I go to church because I crave Jesus. I want to know more about Him. I want to learn how I can love Him more. Our church offers wonderful Bible classes for both children and adults, so while our kids are singing BIble songs and hearing God's Word in their own classes, my husband and I are also partaking of the Bread of Life with other men and women in our own class.


Nothing satisfies spiritual hunger like Jesus. 

5. To remind myself and teach our children that "It's not all about me"

In this me-centered world where entertainment is god, churches are not the place people flock to because, well, churches usually are not fun. While church can and should be enjoyable, what's important is that we remember life isn't all about meeting my wants and needs right now. 

"Then Jesus called the crowd to Him along with His disciples and said, 'If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.'" 

Mark 8:34-35

We aren't here on this earth to be entertained and enjoy life. We are here to worship God and glorify Him in our lives. That requires sacrifice, commitment, and a life of service, three words this world smirks at. 


But it's not about me; it's about Him.

So, What Does All This Mean?

After some reflection, prayer, and words of encouragement from a sister in Christ, I came to the realization that:

• even though going to church is hard right now, and 
• even though I feel like we are only a disruption to others by our presence, and 
• even though I want to crawl in a hole after every single worship service, and 
• even though I don't always feel encouraged or uplifted when I leave,

I believe going to church IS worth it. To my kids, my husband, the entire body of believers, and especially to me. 

In particular, as a parent of three young children, I have a great responsibility to those souls who do not yet know the Lord. It's not about me; it's about Him.

What about you? What reasons do you have for going to church even when it's hard?