"The Pursuit of Motherhood" eBook Launch & $100 Giveway!!!

This post contains affiliate links. I, however, make no money from this e-book.
 
Mothers, have you ever wished you were given a manual for Motherhood? You know, one that fit the needs of each individual type of Mother and child? We all have probably wished there was such a thing at some point in our lives. And while I can't offer you that particular manual, I would like to introduce you to a brand new eBook titled "The Pursuit of Motherhood."

  

While the market is scouring with parenting books & how-to manuals, I hope you'll consider "The Pursuit of Motherhood" as your next source of encouragement in your role as a Mother. We all need HOPE! We all need to know there's someone out there facing the same struggles we're facing. 

"The Pursuit of Motherhood" was written by 15 Mommy bloggers in the Christian community that most of you have already come to know, love, and respect. You're already familiar with the writings of these bloggers and you know that they're real women, not superheroes, that chug along each day with the demands of caring for husbands, children, homeschool, housework, and managing businesses. Each contributing writer has written on a chapter that she is familiar with in an effort to provide you with hope and encouragement in your day to day walk. 

Motherhood is the beautiful unfolding of a woman's life as the Lord refines her and places her in a position of a humble servant, her life a daily sacrifice. A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

Table of Contents:

1. The Wise Mother
2. The Praying Mother
3. Mothering Through The Little Years
4. The Working Mom
5. The Healthy Mom
6. The Work at Home Mom
7. Part I: Primary and Secondary Infertility
8. Part II: The Empty Womb and Adoption
9. The Modest Mom
10. Breastfeeding & Child Attachment
11. The Weary Mom, Part I
12. The Weary Mom, Part II
13. The Homeschooling Mother
14. Mothering a Child with Special Needs
15. Raising Real Men
16. Raising Homemakers
17. Be Fruitful and Multiply
18. Biblical Motherhood
19. Leaving a Legacy

I know that I personally fall into many of these categories and you may too. Perhaps you thought of friends or family that would be interested in "The Pursuit of Motherhood." This eBook would make a great gift for a new or struggling Mom, or as a Christmas gift. 

Today through Monday, December 2nd, you can purchase the eBook at just $3.99; after that we'll resume regular pricing of $7.99. The eBook will be emailed to you in a downloadable PDF file. The book is packed full of wisdom and experience in 153 pages.  

Since we all love giveaways, I thought it would be fun to offer a copy of the eBook along with $100 Paypal cash to one winner. {And who couldn't use an extra $100 right now?} ;) If you're selected as the winner and you've already purchased your copy, your money will be refunded. So, go ahead and grab your copy below and then come back to enter the giveaway. The giveaway ends at midnight on Monday, December 2nd. 

   

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Are You Teaching Your Child Self-Denial?

Recently, the girls and I went shopping for our Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes. Several days prior, I shared with them a new rule.

"Nothing new from now until Christmas." 

From the middle of November until December 25th, we spend money only on essentials. No new toys, clothes, books, or music. Of course there can be exceptions, but the point of the rule is (1) to learn self-denial and (2) to thank God for providing all we need.

However, no matter how many times we discuss this rule, children 5 & under don't always get the message, especially when surrounded by Disney princesses.  

So, when my three-year-old threw a temper tantrum in the Dollar Tree when I would not buy her Sofia the First crayons, I knew it was time to sit down and talk. 

"But, Mama, I need them."

"No, Cora, honey, you don't need Sofia crayons; you want them. Today we are shopping for your friend, not you. Remember our rule: Nothing new until after Christmas."

My child honestly believed she deserved those crayons and that I was being mean for denying them to her. Where would she get such a notion?

Why is a rule like mine necessary? 

This time of year every store is mailing out its Christmas Wish Books in hopes that children like ours will circle everything they want Santa to bring: Legos, Doc McStuffins toys, iPods, and tablets. And the truth of the matter: they will get all or most of them.

Why? 

Because of our disdain for self-denial. 

We don't like to be told no, and we also don't like saying no to our children. When our daughter does poorly on her college exam, what do we do? We call the school and demand answers from the professor (source)!

We are teaching our children that they deserve everything -- new gadgets, good grades, the best jobs: Hard work not required.

But what our children (and many of us, I dare say) haven't grasped is that all the trinkets in the world will never satisfy our desire for more. There will always be something newer, shinier, faster that we need.

Not until we are filled with the Spirit and drink the water of life (John 4:13-15) will we know contentment, gratitude, and peace. Only then will we be able to say no to more and yes to Jesus. 

So what do we do? 

First of all, we teach our children self-denial. Self-denial is one step we can take to help our children cultivate gratitude and contentment.

Denying my girls new things for 6 weeks out of the year is hardly sacrificial, but it's a start. In this "get-what-you-want-when-you-want-it" culture, we parents need to start saying no when our children ask for more. 

I want my daughters to desire Jesus more than Dora, to thirst for the living water more than Sofia, and to hunger for the bread of life more than Doc McStuffins. 

"O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; 

my soul thirsts for You,

my body longs for You,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water."
Psalm 63:1 

How are you teaching your children self-denial today? Are they learning to deny themselves and be content with what they have? Or are you giving them everything (or most of the things) they want?

Do you have a rule like mine, or am I just a meanie?

For other posts on Entitlement.  
Blessings to you, sweet Mama,


 

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When You Want a Different Birth Experience

Have you had a VBAC?  

Are you curious about what a VBAC is and if it's an option for you?

Come over to Olive Plants & Cornerstones where I'm sharing my own VBAC experience.

Here's a snippet . . . 

Jillian asked me to share with you my experience having a VBAC because, well, it isn’t too common. Yet, for me, a vaginal birth after caesarean (VBAC) was an answer to prayer. Despite how common a caesarean is today — 1 in 3 women will have one — it is major surgery with serious risks to you and your baby. If you’re looking for another option, read on. 

 

Many women who have had caesarean deliveries aren’t aware that there is an alternative to a repeat C-section. They simply believe that once you’ve had a caesarean there’s no going back. According to the American Pregnancy Association, 90% of women who have previously undergone a caesarean delivery are eligible for a vaginal birth. That means that if you have had a C-section and wish to attempt a vaginal delivery, there’s a good chance you can.

Because "once a C-section" doesn't mean "always a C-section"!

Come by and join the conversation! I'd love to answer any questions you might have about VBACs!

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Raising Children to be Last in a "Me First" World (or some lessons I'm learning as a mom)

Entitlement has been the topic of the summer for me as I deal with my own issues as well as those of my young children. We live in an entitled society where "have it your way" has become a personal motto for most people and where "me first" isn't just something your two-year-old demands.

But as I have mentioned before, we don't deserve anything, and if we want to teach our children how to follow Christ, then that means lessons in self-denial, contentment, and living a life of humility--something we have to be intentional about. The world is only going to teach them the opposite.

I don't have all the answers. My kids beg for stuff every time we go to the store just like yours. I throw pity parties on a regular basis. But here are a few lessons I'm learning as a mom.

Stop indulging them with the material.

I've learned that when I bring home trinkets for my kids--even from the dollar bin at Target--they come to expect them. My husband learned this lesson the hard way when he caved to the kids' request for popcorn and slushies at the Target Cafe. Bless his little heart. He thought that was something I always did :) So, now, every time he comes with us to Target, the girls ask for popcorn and slushies. Smart cookies, but their Daddy's no dummy either.

When children receive more and more and suddenly you stop giving, they become sullen, confused, even angry. "Why isn't Mommy buying stuff for me any more?" they wonder. They think they are supposed to have those things, that they're entitled. That's when ingratitude and discontent creep in. I've seen kids who have been given so much that they show absolutely zero gratitude when you give them a gift. And why would they? They've already got it!

Kids don't need any more stuff, so just stop it!

Instead, indulge them with the immaterial.

Forego the bubble gum and crayons, and shower them with your love instead. Give them hugs, kisses, and lots of time. Listen to their silly jokes. Play hide-and-seek with them. Show them that toys and goodies are nothing compared to your love.

This might be a tough one for you if you're a gift giver, but remember that the gifts you give don't have to be things you buy. Take your kids to the park, make cookies with them, have a pajama day and snuggle up with some books. Indulge them with your love.

Instill in them a strong work ethic.

My husband and I were both blessed with hard-working parents who still run circles around most people. That work ethic seems to be missing in so many children these days. Why? Because parents are no longer teaching their children the value of hard work.  

Many children and young adults today have no sense of responsibility. If they want something, it's simply handed to them. While parents naively believe they're giving their children a better life than they had, ultimately, what they're doing is creating dependent, lazy, entitled children who will never be able to finish college or hold down a real job. These are the kids who come back home to live with you when life is too hard.

We have to start teaching our kids right now how to work. Sure it's easier when they're young, but even if they're older, start giving them chores, even if it's just to make their own beds and put away their own clothes. I haven't always done a good job of this because honestly it's faster for me to sweep the floors myself. But with three children--and constantly dirty floors--I'm realizing I can do 1 of 3 things: (1) work myself to death keeping them clean, (2) let them stay dirty, or (3) "employ" our children. The training is a doozie, but I'm sure the dividends will be well worth it. 

Whether you compensate your children or not is up to you; the point is that children need to be taught that: "We are family and we work together for the good of the family." A house where the children play and mommy and daddy do all the work is imbalanced. Whatever the ages of your children, start instilling a work ethic in them today!

To give you some ideas, here's a great chore chart:

The Happy Housewife

 

Find opportunities to serve.

 

Serving others is the perfect way to teach your children humility and gratitude. When our kids begin to act "entitled," they need to know that everything they have is a gift from God, and He expects us to use our talents, resources, and abilities for the good of others, to His glory, not for themselves.

 ⁴⁸  From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

Luke 12:48b

One of our family goals is to serve wherever we can "with humble hearts and willing hands." Even young children can serve. Recently, our church youth group of children ages 2-8 created a poster for a church we help support. It was a very small gesture, I know, but an opportunity nonetheless to teach our children to think outside themselves. With a little paint, some markers, and lots of smiles, those children took part in serving people they may never meet, but who, Lord willing, will be encouraged by their efforts.

Sometimes we think church has to be all about having fun and entertainment, but it isn't. Find ways to serve others; that's real fun.
 

Other service project ideas you can do with your children:

• Bake cookies to take to a women's shelter.
• Visit a nursing home and sing to the residents.
• Make homemade cards to take to a widow or shut-in.
• Look around at your neighbors. Could you rake leaves, pick up trash in their yard, take them veggies from your garden? 
• Go to a local homeless shelter and serve as a family. 
•  As a family pray for people who you know are struggling. When you see those people, your children may just tell them they've been praying for them. What a great evangelistic tool!
• Take toys to the police station or the Salvation Army.
• Bag up canned goods to take to the Food Bank or other local pantry.
• Take flowers to a sick friend in the hospital. 

 When you serve with your kids, they will begin to see the needs of others and anticipate meeting them. They will start to pray for people other than themselves. They will want to give their money to people they see hurting. They will stop asking for toys and trinkets for themselves and instead start sharing what they have with others.

Whatever we do, Moms, we need to be teaching our children to think outside themselves, to look for opportunities to help those around them, so that one day they won't need our prodding. They will simply see a need and meet it. Isn't that a beautiful goal for our children?

Show them contentment.

As we all know, children mimic what they see, not what they hear. To raise humble, content children, we must be humble, content parents. When our kids hear us whining about not having money for X, they hear discontent. When they see us spending inordinate amounts of time looking in the mirror, they see arrogance and pride. But when we model contentment--when we smile at the good and the bad in our lives--our children see that they too can have joy and be happy with their situations.

More is not better, no matter what the world says. We need to be like Paul, content in whatever situation we face:

 ¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:11-13

When we are content, our children will themselves learn to find the positives even in the negative.

Moms, we are at war. The world is bombarding us with false messages, telling us that we need to give our children more, the best, the most expensive because they deserve it. What are we doing to defeat those messages? Or are we listening and falling prey? 

What are you doing today to battle entitlement in your own children? What's your advice?

Praying God's blessings on you,

 
 
Related posts:
Battling Entitlement in Our Homes
When I Feel Like I Deserve _____________ 
What to do When You Feel Entitled : 5 Tips to Tackle Discontent
for when you want to escape


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for when you want to escape

 
Yesterday, I read this quote with a smile. 

"Amen, sister!" I thought. 

But when I re-read it today, I got angry. No one would take a nap. The baby had been screaming all morning. The preschooler's antics were simply enervating. I'm tired. My husband had been working all weekend, and I felt like I hadn't had a moment to exhale.

Every ounce of my being was screaming, 

"But I need a break! I deserve some peace and quiet! My family is driving me crazy! When do I get some me time?!" 

And I'm throwing a big ol' pity party all by my lonesome. 

But Brenneman is right. 

In those moments when my sanity is hanging by a thread, running from my family anywhere else is simply not the answer. Instead, what I need to do is deny my self and run straight to the cross.

Wise women have told me that parenting is part of the sanctification process. Our children refine us by their actions (or inaction), words, and behavior. We discover our weaknesses while mothering our children. Honestly, despite my red hair, I never knew I had a temper until a toddler tested me.

 

When we're walking through the refining fires, it's tempting to want to escape. It's too hot. We hurt. We're exhausted. The weight of it all is too much for us. And it is if we try to do it on our own.  

We can't be the best mothers unless we seek God's help in the process. Our children refine us to His glory when we choose to run to God for help rather than escape the flames. 

Escape is not always the best answer.

That's not to say we don't all need some quiet time alone for introspection and reflection. I need it desperately. What I mean is that it's easy to throw in the towel, hand the baby to hubby, and announce your departure: "Good luck! I'm outta here!"

When I'm tired and overwhelmed by the weight of all that's heaped on my plate, that's when I need to run to Jesus for comfort.

Our families should be our joy. 
Our homes should be the only place we want to be.
Our lives should be spent honoring Christ as our first priority.

We should be sad inside when we're separated from our children or our husbands, not jumping up and down in glee that we have some time to ourselves.

Those are hard words to hear, I know, because they're hard for me to type. The world tells us children are a burden, that we "deserve" our time because it will make us happy, and we deserve happiness. Yet, my heart has always felt guilty for wanting time alone. Now I see why. God didn't want it this way. 

I haven't arrived as a Mom. I never will. Even today, I desperately wanted to cop out, but I didn't. 

Why? 

Because I feel a beautiful change in my heart that I can only explain as the Holy Spirit working in me. He is growing my love for my family and shrinking my love of me. It's a gradual, one-step-forward two-steps-back kind of dance, but as I cling to Him in the midst of rough days like today, I see the moments where He was moving: pulling me to Him when I wanted to run, making me smile when my kids acted silly, stirring up laughter just when we all were crumbling.

Instead of checking out when life becomes challenging, instead of complaining about the sparse time I have for myself, instead of demanding that I be happy, I'm learning-- day to day, with God's help-- to deny myself, cling to the cross, and look for moments of peace here in this place.  

In my home. 
Among my family. 
Surrounded by those I love most. 
With Christ in our midst.

This is where I'm supposed to be. 


What about you? Specifically for those of you who have found peace and joy being at home among your family rather than out in the world, how have you done it? What advice do you have for a young mom of little ones who craves a quiet space but also desperately wants to continue growing in love for her family?

May God continue to richly bless you!

Resources in this post:

This post contains affiliate links. For more info, read my Disclosure Policy. Thanks for supporting my blog!

Related posts:
Battling Entitlement in Our Homes
When I Feel Like I Deserve _____________ 
What to do When You Feel Entitled : 5 Tips to Tackle Discontent


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Battling Entitlement in Our Homes

"Mom, give me some gum." 
"Gimme a piece of candy." 
"I need a cracker."
"Can I have something to drink?"

Every.single.time we get in the car those are the very first words out of my children's mouths. We haven't pulled out of the driveway even, and they're asking for something. 

Sure, I'm at least partly to blame. I have acquiesced so many times that they've become conditioned to expect those things, so when I say "no," they don't understand.

And when they hear no from me, they cry and whine and demand: 

"Mama, why?" 

And the why isn't just: 

"Why can't we have a piece of gum?"

It's really: 

"Why can't I have what I want? Don't I deserve it? Don't you love me?"

Well, the truth is that I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this insatiable desire for more and the whining that commences when that demand isn't fulfilled.

I'm sick of feeling guilty for not giving more to my kids. This foolish idea that parents should want to give their children a better life than they themselves had is rubbish. The goal for our children should not be happiness but self-denial for the sake of the Cross. But right now they're not getting that, and that's largely my fault.

My kids aren't the only ones suffering from this heart condition, this "I'm-entitled-and-deserve-more" disease that distorts reality and diminishes God to god status. This illness afflicts many Christians I know and, I'd venture to guess, a great percentage of the population in this all-too-abundantly-blessed nation.

Don't get me wrong; I'm grateful to be living in this country, but if I hear one more time that everyone deserves to go to college, I think I'll be ill.

Photo Credit

    
I'm sick of people feeling entitled, as if they've done something grand and wonderful like cure cancer or rid the world of mosquitoes, that they've earned the right to say, "I deserve this."

I'm fed up with people whining about missed opportunities and shattered dreams, about lost chances and wrecked plans, about misrepresentations and disappointing childhoods.

Get over it already. Move on. Count your blessings and name them one by one. Stop missing out on the good in your life by dwelling on the what-might-have-beens. There's a reason. Figure it out, and if you can't, ask God.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."

Matthew 5:6

I'm tired of hearing my own kids grumble when I don't oblige their every whim and buy them new princess dresses or sparkly bracelets, when I don't cave to their tantrums and take them to "McSonic," when they think I'm being outrageous for not giving them what they deserve.

"Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth."

Matthew 5:5

 Photo Credit

I'm annoyed at myself for thinking I deserve something more, something better than this beautiful life I've been given.

As if I deserve anything.

 As if this house, these clothes, my car are something I've earned.

As if this flesh is anything more than dust and dirt.

As if my breath is my own.

As if in one moment, I could choose to destroy everything and everyone.

As if I'm the Maker, Creator, Life-Giver and Life-Taker-Away.

As if God owes me something. 

"Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 5:3

Photo Credit

We are blessed beyond our own comprehension, and yet our human tendencies scream:

"I deserve more!"  

"Give me more!"

"Stop telling me no!"

"I'm special. I'm somebody."

And sometimes I want to tell those people--myself and my own children included:

"No, you are nobody. The only thing we deserve is death. We have done nothing and can do nothing to ever deserve what all we've been given. The only one who deserves anything, the only one who has earned the number 1 spot is Jesus, the one who gave up everything so we could argue we deserved it."

But then I would be accused of harming their fragile egos and destroying their self-esteem.

Those are three adjectives I never want ascribed to or characteristic of myself or my children. But right now, they're in danger--I'm in danger--of all three. Something has to change. 

So, I'm on a mission to reclaim my family from this pack of lies, empty half-truths that pollute our lives and whisper seductively in our ears that we are all those things and more.

I want to empty my flesh and mind of those lies and re-fill that void with these adjectives instead:

It's going to take some serious work and lots of prayer to see this happen, but the Holy Spirit has put this issue on my heart, so I know He will see it through. I'm not finished with this; expect to see more posts in the coming weeks.

What about you? Do you see this entitlement attitude in your corner of the world? If so, how do you work against it for your self and your children? 

I would greatly appreciate any suggestions you have to offer. 

Praying for wisdom,

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