I Want To Want To...

Inspired by Amy, writer of The Finer Things in Life, I'm listing my own things "I want to want to" do: things that I probably should be doing but either can't because I've got two small, dependent children or won't because I'm just too tired. As you can tell from the above picture, I could definitely use a trip to a beauty salon or spa or just a shower and some sleep. Here they are:

I want to want to clean the filthy pigsty that is my house. There are cobwebs in the corners of the walls that I should knock down not only because they look horrible but also because they fill Kate with dread that a spider might be near. But I just despise cleaning house and dusting will probably not be a regular chore until Kate is old enough to do it for me.

I want to want to not want sweets ALL THE TIME. Seriously, I'm like a junkie with my cravings. But Daniel put his foot down and said no more! So, there are no sweets in this house right now except for some Kashi cookies (I might as well eat sawdust!) and yucky conversation heart candies that are Kate's potty treat. Lord, help me!

I want to want to exercise every day...or even every other day...or even one day a week, but honestly, I am exhausted and thoughts of movement and getting my heart rate up are enough exercise for me. Maybe when Cora is older.

I want to want to be able to encourage and inspire others, namely my children and husband, but most days I can't even persuade myself to do what needs to be done.

I want to want to read, write, and study like I did a few years ago when I was working on my doctorate, but my mind just doesn't work that way anymore. I tell Daniel I'm dumber now, but really I guess I'm just using my brain in different ways.

I want to want to take a nap right now while the girls are sleeping because I know as soon as one or both wake up, it's over and I'll regret that I didn't catch a few winks. But I lie on my couch and my mind races and I can't sleep. So I write.

I want to want to be and do A LOT of things--things I should do and be-- but right now either it just isn't that important or I just don't have the energy. But maybe in a few more months...or years. Right now what's important is loving on my babies and taking care of Daniel. Everything else will fall into place in its own time.