As you know, every morning I spend my first few waking moments holed up in our bed with a cup of coffee planning the day, praying, and spending quiet time in my Bible. This morning, however, my routine was all messed up. (Isn't it just like Satan to wreck our good intentions?) Fearful of waking Kate so early, I crept out of the room without even making an attempt to grab my Bible and devotional. (Our children are THE lightest sleepers!) So, instead of digging into my daily devotional as I usually do, I found my daughter's pink Bible and opened it up. I was in the book of Isaiah.
At that moment I didn't know why God had taken me there, but He did. I would read for a few minutes, pause, and think about all the stuff I needed to do. My frustrations mounted, and I found that I wasn't even paying attention to the words; my eyes were just passing them over. My heart was wrong, and it was wrong all morning. My husband commented several times how he wished I'd cheer up, but all I could think about were:
Why don't my kids ever sleep late?
Why are my plans always ruined?
The laundry is piled up and the kitchen is a mess, and I've got to fix breakfast.
We're leaving for vacation in a day, and I have a bazillion things to do.
My head is stopped up, my nose won't stop running, and my lips are parched.
I'm exhausted, and it's not even 7:00!
Yes, I was having a temper tantrum, much like the ones I punish my own children for all the time. But while theirs are more vocal, with screaming and crying, mine was all pent up in my heart. My actions were unloving, and my words were unkind. My husband and children were only innocent victims.
After breakfast and some chores, I laid Cora down for a nap, and Kate and I had our Bible studies on my bed. She looked at her Bible and I at mine. This time I returned to Isaiah and was drawn to these words:
"He tends His flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in His arms
and carries them close to His heart;
He gently leads those that have young." {emphasis mine}
-Isaiah 40:11
That's me--"those that have young"--He's talking to me! Why have I not been listening? Because I'm selfish and proud, too caught up in my own petty troubles to even think God would care.
But He does.
After reading this passage, my body relaxed, my heart softened, and a peace that I hadn't felt all morning rushed over me. Those words of comfort spoke directly to me, as if Jesus were saying:
"Keri, stop trying to do everything yourself. Stop trying to control every. single. little. thing. Trust in Me, and let Me lead you. I am the Good Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep, and I will take care of you. Submit to Me."
The Lord has a special place in His heart for mothers. He promises to lead us "gently" because I think He knows there are moments when we will become frustrated, scared, and overwhelmed. Yet, it is then that we most need to let Him gather us in His arms and carry us close to His heart.
May God richly bless you today as He has blessed me!
Keri
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