Feeling Cheated? Why We Need to Change Our Attitude Toward the Challenging Child

Have you ever wondered why God gave you this child? 

 

That question has weighed heavily on my mind lately as I reevaluate my expectations as a Mom and try to figure out the best ways to train our strong-willed children.

When you go out to dinner as a family, do you notice that the families around you have young children who sit in their seats with their hands folded, politely eat their meals making minimal mess, and talk at a normal volume while their parents are enjoying a real conversation?

Are you one of those families? {If so, what is your secret? I will pay big bucks for this information.}

Or are you the family whose kids are climbing out of their chairs, spilling full glasses of juice, and pitching a fit because they want to get down and run around the restaurant? Do you laugh at the thought of carrying on an adult conversation because you're too busy trying to keep everyone in line?

My husband jokes that we usually order our food and ask for the check in the same breath, but it's true. We leave the restaurant frustrated, upset that we couldn't enjoy the meal we paid hard-earned money for, and suffering heartburn because we shoveled our food down so fast.

Change the venue to church on Sunday, the grocery store, or even the park, and a similar scene will unfold. It doesn't matter if our kids have napped and eaten first; they will still generally make our experience less than pleasant because of their need to resist authority and pursue their own course. The strength of their will absolutely refuses to comply with their parents' wishes. They have a desperate need to assert themselves even in the most minute things. 

As I work through these challenges and prayerfully consider the Lord's will for me as a parent, I can't help but feel cheated, even a little resentful. It seems like everyone I know has quiet, well-behaved children but us. Of course I know that isn't the case, but often it sure seems to be true.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

the fruit of the womb a reward."

Psalm 127:3 

Still, in spite of my disappointment at times, I honestly believe that God gives us our children for a reason. We may not understand why some parents have compliant, easy-going children while others have terrors who continually wage war with them. But there is a reason.

God gives each of our children to us, not to punish us for some past sin, but to accomplish something in us--His children--to grow us in ways that only having and raising a child will do. 

For me, that means learning patience and gentleness with my strong-willed girls. I don't understand their need for power and control, but God has shaped and formed them in this way. They are made in His own image. It also means teaching my girls how to control their will: to reign it in when it becomes unruly but also how to wield it for God's glory in useful, productive ways.

Instead of viewing our children as a source of frustration, consider them an assignment given to us by our Great Teacher. An opportunity for our own growth and development as Christians. A method for testing and refining our patience, gentleness, and other Christian virtues.

Instead of dwelling on the difficulties our children present, consider the blessings that they have on us, transforming us into the Christian women God wants us to be.

Despite the difficulties of raising strong-willed children, we are promised by our heavenly Father that He will be with us and help us fulfill the tasks He sets before us, no matter how cumbersome. He will never give us more than we can bear.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, those who are called according to His purpose."


Romans 8:28

Do you ever feel a little resentful at times about the children God has placed in your care? If so, does it help to see them as opportunities for personal Christian growth?

I would love to hear from you!

Praying God's richest blessings on you as we grow in His glory,

Keri

Other related posts:
Parenting Isn't for Cowards: Training Strong-Willed Children
Are You Suffering From Parent Burnout?

For comments or questions, contact me at: growinginhisglory@gmail.com

Find Growing in His Glory on Facebook.

I would love to see more of you!  If you are encouraged by what you read here and would like to have posts from Growing in His Glory delivered to your inbox daily, simply click here.  Or you can subscribe in a reader of your choice in the right sidebar.

This post is linked to: The Better Mom Mondays, Teach Me Tuesdays, Time-Warp Wife Titus 2Days, Top 10 Tuesdays, Women Living Well Wednesdays, Raising Homemakers Wednesdays, Raising Mighty Arrows Proverbs 31 Thursdays