I know it has been a while since I last posted. Life has been a nonstop cycle of waking, feeding children, finding activities to keep the older ones out of trouble, changing diapers, feeding baby, rocking baby, keeping an eye on a mischievous toddler, keeping said toddler from suffocating or otherwise harming baby, feeding children again, cleaning here and there, and trying desperately to maintain my sanity.
Like most parents of newborns, I'm going on very little sleep right now, which makes for a very frazzled Mama. Back when I had only one baby to care for, I could nap when she slept, but now with two other little ones to care for, that rarely happens. And even when all three girls are asleep at the same time--which the merciful Lord has blessed me with repeatedly this week--I am usually so amped up that I can't sleep. Like right now. The caffeine is surging through my veins as my eye lids strain to stay open.
The "marathon" I've been running nonstop for the past three weeks seems like it will never end. I know it will, of course, but I really wonder at times how long this body can endure and more importantly how long my family will be able to endure me.
Kate commented yesterday: "Mama, why are you always frustrated with us?" I almost cried. Yes, I've been even snappier than normal, but when your 3 1/2-year-old brings it to your attention, you know something has to give, something has to change.
I've been praying a lot the past few days for more patience with the girls, for ways to show them each the love they crave from me, and for the stamina to just make it through one more day. "One day at a time" has become my mantra. Exhaustion has overtaken this worn out mind and body.
I feel like an overtired baby with glazed-over eyes who can only stare into space, cry, and scream. Unfortunately for my family, I've been doing an awful lot of all three lately. Just like my sweet Annabeth when she can't settle down and rest like she needs to, I'm frustrated at my predicament but feel unable to rectify it. At least I can't do it alone. Like that precious baby, I need someone to comfort me, to rock me to sleep, to pat my back, to ease my heavy load.
Every time I am faced with a seemingly impossible challenge, I try to handle it alone instead of running fast and hard to the only One who can help. And the result? I fall flat on my face.
It is only when I call on the Lord, acknowledge my utter helplessness and dependency on Him, and humbly submit myself to His will that I find the rest and peace I yearn for.
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
Jesus frees us from the cumbersome burdens of this life. We are never promised happiness, but with Christ, at least I know that the struggles I face aren't mine alone. He bears them with me. In Him I find the rest I need.
Is life exhausting for you right now? Take your cares to the Lord. Learn from Him. He will give you the rest you need. He promises it.
Keri
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I needed to hear this today! My newborn won't be here for 6 more months, but the craziness of 3 kids, all the life changes we're having in my family, and nausea and exhaustion are often hard to handle. I struggle with the same things you do in leaking frustration on my family, and it breaks my heart. Time for a fresh focus on prayer and surrender. Will pray for you too!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on a new baby! How exciting! I can empathize with you. Being pregnant (and all that entails) AND taking care of children AND dealing with life changes can take its toll on everyone. I'm praying for you, too!
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