When We Exasperate Our Children, We Put Their Salvation At Risk

If you haven't noticed recently, I'm struggling with anger, especially with my children. My expectations are too high, my need to impress is ridiculously out of whack, and my frustrated attempts at perfection are hurting everyone. 

Can you relate? 

I have felt very much alone lately, as if this were only my sin because for some reason, Moms don't share their bouts of anger, their temper tantrums. Yet, I dare say I'm not alone, as is evident from the abundance of {great} comments in this post.

Photo Credit: andypowe11

Personally, when my children spill the milk, drop the eggs, backtalk, sass, hit their siblings, and act like children, I start out okay: I'm patient, use calm words, forgive, clean up the mess, encourage. 

But as the childish and disobedient behavior picks up speed, my patience reaches a breaking point. I begin to yell, I lash out, I criticize, and I provoke my children. 


Yet God specifically instructs parents that this behavior is wrong:

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

Ephesians 6:4 {NIV}

 To "exasperate" means "to irritate or provoke to a high degree; annoy extremely." 

The King James Version uses "provoke" instead of "exasperate."

 ^"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

Provoke means "to incite, stir up."

It comes from the Latin provocare, which means "to call forth to someone, to challenge."

When we are too critical of our children,

When we punish them for every.single.error.they make,
When we yell,
When we speak discouraging words,
When we are quick to ridicule and slow to praise,
When we dwell on the negative,
When we set unachievable expectations,
When we stop instructing our children "in the way they should go,"

We provoke, exasperate, incite, and stir our children up. 

That is sin.

What are we supposed to do instead of provoking our children?

At the end of verse 4 in The Message, Paul writes:

^"Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master." {emphasis mine}

As moms, we have a heavy responsibility: we are often the primary--maybe even the only--spiritual influence our children have. Therefore, we need to make sure our words, actions, and attitudes reflect a desire to see our children walking in the Light. We are responsible for bringing our children up "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." That is no easy task. It means teaching them how God expects them to talk to one another, to act towards one another, how to love one another.

Millstone

 
When we provoke our little ones in any way, we hinder them from knowing the Lord. We stop leading them "in the way of the Master" and start tying that millstone around their fragile little necks. We may not realize it, but when we exasperate our children, we're drowning them because we aren't giving them opportunity to come up for air. The weight of our words, tone, actions, and behavior is too great.

My goal shouldn't be getting my children to obey me because I said so, but encouraging them to obey God because He says so.

So, I've got to get my temper under control. I've got to stop provoking my children because if I don't, they will stop following God and start following me. 

And you know what?  

I am not the way, the truth, and the life. 

Jesus is.


What about you? Do you struggle with provoking your children? I would love to hear your thoughts, suggestions, advice in the comments below.

Blessings to you,

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