When Our Anger Isn't Under Control

I never remember being angry as a child. When I was a teenager, I never really rebelled in the true sense of the word. As an adult, there have been moments of frustration, but anger? Not really.

Something happened after our first born child arrived. All of a sudden this quality I had never really known or experienced started veering its ugly head.

For the first time, I started really losing my cool. I began to yell, throw, kick (not the kids), even curse. Mama threw some mean temper tantrums, and I finally justified my red hair and Irish roots. The Incredible Hulk in me emerged.

My struggles with anger are real. I pray daily for the Lord to help me give gentle answers and a patient heart to my children. I pray for my love to grow and my anger to shrink. I thank God for grace and mercy and try to give myself a healthy dose every day, knowing that my perfectionist tendencies are what set off this anger. 

In my mind, I have a picture of how my children should look, act, speak, and in reality--as we all know--kids are kids. They don't measure up even though I have 3 pretty terrific girls. 

My too-high expectations hurt everyone: my kids, my husband, my self. 

To be angry is not a sin. Throughout the Bible we see countless examples of God's wrath. Consider the Israelites who continually rebelled and Balaam whose greed angered God to the point that He opened the donkey's mouth. We also witness Jesus' righteous indignation with the money changers in the temple. 

Being angry is not a sin.

We are created in God's image and thus we are like God: that means--like God--sometimes we get angry.

How we act, though, when we are angry is the key.

I've taped a verse to the lampshade beside my bed. It's a reminder that when I get angry, I need to retreat. I need to be quiet. I need to examine my heart. I need to ask myself: Why am I angry? Is my anger righteous or self-righteous indignation?  

"In your anger, do not sin, when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent." 

Psalm 4:4

There are countless things we as Christians should be angry about: child abuse, exploitation, sex trafficking, violence against the defenseless, poverty, to name a few. But unless that anger is properly directed it accomplishes nothing. That anger must serve a purpose; it must motivate us to change.

The anger that my children incite in me also needs direction. I can't let it bottle up inside until I explode. I don't need to speak hurtful words that will damage their little hearts. They don't need to witness me break another lamp because of improperly directed anger. 

I have to come to a place where my anger is under control and not controlling me. 

That means:

• Reining in the self-righteous (e.g. I deserve this...) anger
• Letting go of perfect
• Redirecting my anger towards more worthy concerns
• Retreating for a moment to be silent, pray, & examine my heart
• Continually assessing the causes of my anger and finding applicable solutions/remedies

I am still on the journey and probably will be for some time.

What about you? How do you handle anger? I would appreciate your {healthy} suggestions.

Blessings to you,

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