A 5-Step Plan for Mamas on the Verge of Boiling Over

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This is my third consecutive week posting on anger. Why? Because I struggle with anger. And I venture to guess that some of you do, too, at times. 

I posted on Facebook recently about how rare it is to hear women share their struggles with anger. It's almost taboo to admit you have an anger problem. 

Here are two of the responses:

"...I struggle with it [anger], and struggled with it for a lot of my life. Its almost like if you voice it (that you have a struggle with anger, people approach you as if you are about to explode any second. It is a shame really, I think more women struggle than they want to admit...and we should come together to help one another."

"Maybe it is the whole needing to have people believe we women have that gentle and quiet spirit thing down or maybe it is just a need to look like a good, nice Christian?"

Anger is a real issue for {Christian} women.

Sin left alone will fester. Unless we confess our sins to God and are willing to share our struggles with Godly women who can pray for us and support us, then that sin will continue to grow until we are consumed by it.

In addition to daily prayer, I've devised a 5 step plan to help me in situations when I'm on the verge of succumbing to anger. {Note: This is my personal plan. It may or may not work for you in your situation, but it's what I'm attempting to help me. I suggest that if you struggle with anger you devise a plan that will help you according to your specific needs and situation.}

 

1.Take 5. 

"In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent."

Psalm 4:4

 Sometimes even Mommy needs a time-out. Send everyone to their rooms, put baby in the crib, and retreat for 5-10 minutes. Alone. Go to your bed, closet, bathroom, outside--wherever you can best think, relax, and calm down. If you're out and about, get everyone in the car and go home. The grocery store can wait but losing your cool in public could have devastating consequences.  

 

2. Pray.

"Therefore I want the men in every place to pray, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and dissension."

1 Timothy 2:8

Once I'm home and have distanced myself from the children, I pray. I have verses everywhere: on my lampshade, in my household notebook, on the bathroom mirror, even on the refrigerator. Wherever I have retreated to, I take a few minutes and meditate on the verse and pray, asking God to fill my heart with love and peace and for the Holy Spirit to speak through me to my children. It's amazing how much calmer I am after spending just a few minutes in prayer.

 

3. Take out the emotion. 

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Proverbs 15:1

When my kids are disrespectful, my blood boils, and I often act on impulse and emotion instead of in wisdom and love. If we're in public, concern with keeping up appearances takes precedence over the salvation of their souls. I'm more upset by their embarrassment of me than teaching them why we need to respect and love others. And if we're at home, repeated incidents of willful disobedience often lead me to say and do things that exasperate my children.

In recent weeks I've made a real effort to curb my emotions. To pretend that I'm the emotionless trooper who gave me a ticket earlier this year, despite three crying kids in the backseat--one with blue marker all.over.her.body. No remorse, no pity, not even a smile. It was "strictly business." I need to stop taking my kids' misbehavior personally and remember they're kids. I need to make discipline strictly business instead of a time to vent my anger and frustration at them. 

 

4. Love on 'em.

"[Love] is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

1 Corinthians 13:5

And once I've disciplined my children, I need to show them love, covering them with hugs and kisses and letting them know without a doubt that they are ferociously loved.  I don't do a good job at this. I usually discipline and move on, but our kids need to know that even though they make mistakes, they are still loved by me, their father, and their Father. They need to know that discipline is love and that even Mommy and Daddy have to be disciplined at times by our heavenly Father.

 

5. Pray some more. 

"...in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

This would also be the perfect time to pray with them and ask God to help them with that specific sin they're struggling with. That's real love, folks, showing our children that our sins will be forgiven if we take them to the Father. Teaching children to pray for help is big and something we need to model for them. When I sin against my kids, especially when I lash out in anger, they need to see me seeking God's forgiveness and finding peace afterwards. They need to know that even though we are "big," we still struggle with sin, but when we ask God for forgiveness and help, He listens and acts.

Anger is a real issue for Moms. Instead of ignoring it, we need to seek help: from God, our husbands, & our Christian friends. These 5 steps are my way of working on anger with my own children, but maybe it can work for you, too. I'm not there yet; the journey is long and every day I am challenged again & again, but I'm working on it. If you are struggling with anger, too, please email me or leave a comment below. I would love to pray for you.

 For another great post to help you deal with anger, check out:
"10 Things to Try Before You Lose Your Temper With Your Child" by momstheword 

Previous posts on Anger:
"When We Exasperate Our Children, We Put Their Salvation at Risk"
"When Our Anger Isn't Under Control"
"Secret Sins: Because Sometimes We Need to Stop Hiding & Seek Help"

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