Lord, Teach Me to Love

My youngest child wakes me up crying. It's the third time tonight. To myself, I ask: “What is the matter, Cora? Just go to sleep!” It’s 4:00 a.m.

“Lord, teach me to love.”

After nursing my baby, I lay her back down in her crib and return to bed. My oldest child is lying in my place. I think to myself: “What are you doing in here, Kate? Get in your bed!” But instead, I lie down in hers. It’s 4:30 a.m.

“Lord, teach me to love.”

Cora has started crying. Again. I lie in bed listening, watching her on the monitor and thinking to myself, “I am not going back to sleep.” It’s 5:15 a.m.

“Lord, teach me to love.”

I have decided to go ahead and get up, have my coffee and have a quiet time with God. But my quiet time is interrupted by my crying baby who is now standing up in her crib screaming. Frustration and anger rushes over me. I know I'm being selfish but, "Please, God."

“Lord, teach me to love.”

After I give Cora some Tylenol, she cries but soon falls asleep. It’s 5:45 a.m. Kate wakes up and wants me to snuggle her. All I want to do is have some time by myself.

“Lord, teach me to love.”

I lie down with Kate but refuse to snuggle her. It’s just not in me. She sleeps for a little while and wakes up for the day. It’s 6:20 a.m.

“Lord, teach me to love. Your love, Lord is perfect; mine is so flawed. You are long-suffering, compassionate, gentle and kind. Lord, you love the unlovable—me. Teach me to love my children when I really don’t feel like it, when I’m tired and just want to sleep, when I’m consumed and just need a break by myself, when I’m in most need of love myself. Teach me to love.”

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

John 15:12-13