Wednesday, June 27, 2012

"What If She Doesn't Like Me?"


Ever since middle school when my best friend ditched me for the cool kids, I have feared being rejected. 

It's not a nice feeling. 

     Being ignored, overlooked, cast aside, left out.

     Being discarded like a moth-eaten sweater. 

Over the years I have worked very hard to avoid that feeling.


By playing it safe. 
By never really opening myself up. 
By keeping my distance.
By hiding behind the mask of "I'm fine. My life is perfect. I have no problems." 

That way no one will think less of me or see my insecurities, my neediness, my not-good-enough-ness.

My reasoning has always been that if I don't share who I am--the good, the bad, and the ugly--then no one can reject me. 

By not taking the risk of sharing myself with others, 
Yes, I have protected my heart.
Yes, I have kept myself from rejection.
Yes, I have painted a pretty picture of myself.

But, I have also:
Isolated myself. 
Missed out on many opportunities for lasting friendships. 
Lied to myself and others.
Stayed in my comfort zone so long that I am getting uncomfortable in it.

Can you relate?
It's easy for us as women to create and hide behind masks. We avoid vulnerability, even with other women, because we don't want to be hurt again. It's often safer to feign "fineness" rather than open ourselves up to others and risk rejection. 

The Solution

In Grace for the Good Girl, Emily Freeman hits the nail on the head when she shares the solution to conquering her own fears of rejection and vulnerability:

"Honesty before God is the only safe place, and I believe he is wise enough and loving enough and intuitive enough to usher us into honesty with people... A lot of my own heartache and struggles with the fake fine mask could be overcome if I simply allowed myself to be honest with God and trust him to lead me in being vulnerable with people" (55-56).

Being honest with God and trusting in Him to help us be vulnerable with people requires believing that He wants what is best for us and knowing that He promises to protect us:

"For in the day of trouble
     he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
     and set me high upon a rock."

Psalm 27:5

It means believing God will emancipate us from our fears if we earnestly seek Him:

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
     he delivered me from all my fears."

Psalm 34:4

God loves us.  

Any fears we have, whether fears of rejection, being alone, or not-good-enough-ness, are not from our loving Father but from Satan, the father of lies.

In 2 Timothy 1:17, Paul tells Timothy:

"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline."

We need to stop trying to control our lives and give our King the opportunity to reign fully and completely within us. 

That means...
     Turning our fears over to Him.
     Trusting Him to take those unnecessary worries away.
     Being honest with ourselves and others.
     Allowing God to give us the relationships we desire.
     Removing the mask so others can see us for who we really are.

In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter how many people reject us as long as we know to whom we will always belong.

Do you grapple with the fear of rejection? Can you turn it over to God today?

Praying God's richest blessings for you,

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  1. Fear of rejection has been the motivating factor behind so many of my choices in life. The problem with it is that you build a world in which you hide who you are (I do the best imitation of myself) and also set yourself up in a way that guarantees that you will be rejected, validating all of your insecurities.

    “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first."

    The truth is that you are going to be rejected. You'll be scorned, you'll be hurt, you'll be broken. God doesn't promise comfort, not even to his only son. The message isn't look for a place where you will never be hurt, but to realize where you should be looking for acceptance.

    "All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out."

    In the end, what matters isn't whether you were rejected by this friend, this job, this school, this girl...what matters is what you have accepted and through that choice who has accepted you as his own.


  2. Very good points, MK! Rejection is reality. No, we are never promised happiness in this life. People will disappoint and fail us. The only one who will never disappoint or fail us is Jesus. In Him alone do we have hope of true acceptance. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    Blessings to you.

  3. I can totally relate to this post as well. Thanks for sharing :)

  4. I struggle with this all the time. This is an excellent post and I'll probably come back to it. Will be sharing!

  5. I completely relate and I am actually in the midst of dealing with this fear rearing its ugly head in my life. This post is so timely for me. Thanks so much for sharing your heart and God's Word.
    ~Heather @ourcultivatedlife

  6. Wowza - I just wrote about this same idea this morning, but I wrote on the opposite, of opening ourselves up and being real. We must be on the same page today. :) Be blessed! Lauren,

  7. Open and honest is sooo hard...makes me think about what I model to my little one as you wrote from your teen years..Thanks for linking up with me!
    :) Blessings!