Friday, September 13, 2013

When You're Weary, Where Does God Fit In?

I'm weary. The hours of the day blur together as I go from one task to the next. Mechanically. Following the routine that I know like the back of my calloused hands. 

"When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered, 

There are so many responsibilities, jobs, and expectations that I feel honored to do, yet I'm so tired. It seems like I'm always clamoring for rest, and when the girls' nap time rolls around, I'm finding myself sleeping too. Guilt sets in as I realize I should be using those precious minutes folding the baskets of laundry or finishing a post due in two days, but all I want to do is curl up on the couch and drift away. And I do.

I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before You. 

It's a season, I know. This season of my life is full to overflowing. I take advantage of any and all opportunities for quiet and rest because those moments are so rare. 

Yet I am always with You;
You hold me by my right hand. 

In this season when I most want to quit everything and just lie in bed all day, I find that I crave God more and more. I actually anticipate the alarm going off at 5:15 because that means time alone in the still and quiet with Him--my Rock and my Salvation, my Comfort and Strength, my Everything. 

Every night after cleaning the kitchen, I put a clean table cloth on the kitchen table, set a vase of fresh flowers in the center, and lay out my Bible and devotional book in preparation for my morning. Why? Because I know without a doubt that I can't keep running this rat race without Him. No amount of coffee or chocolate will sustain me.

You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward You will take me into glory.

And while my body aches and my mind races with all the yet-to-be-completed tasks on my neverending to-do lists, each morning I'm seeing the beauty in the chaos as God draws me ever closer to Him. 

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And earth has nothing I desire besides You. 

While at times I throw myself a pity party (because surely no one has it as rough as me), once I've "sobered up," I realize that I've wasted valuable time and energy when I could have turned it all over to Him. As my world spins erratically out of my control, I'm finding myself drawing ever closer to God because His constant presence, His never-changing quality grounds me.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

So I'm searching --
 Not for a drug to help me escape
 Not for a school to send my children to so I can rest
 Not for a new TV show to dull my senses
 Not for a book to get lost in
 Not for a cure to all my ills and woes

No, I'm searching for the One who alone will fulfill me. I'm seeking His presence, His will for me, His arms of comfort and peace, His perfect rest. 

Those who are far from You will perish;
You destroy all who are unfaithful to You. 

The journey is long and grueling -- like a treadmill set to the highest incline. But I'm trudging on, slowly but surely, because I know who holds me in His hands, and He's crazy about me.

But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all Your deeds." 

Psalm 73:21-28

Do you know today that God is crazy about YOU? He is, and when you feel weary and overwhelmed with cares and responsibilities, He wants you to run to Him because He loves you.

Praying God's blessings for you today no matter your season,

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  1. 1) That is one of my very favorite Psalms - thanks for sharing this!
    2) I am teary and getting every. word. you're typing.
    3) The verses that I reread/re-pray every morning right now:
    From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
    when my heart is overwhelmed;
    lead me to the rock that is higher than I!!
    For You have been a shelter for me,
    a strong tower from the enemy.
    I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
    I will trust in the shelter of Your wings!
    [Psalm 61:2-4]
    4) I really like the idea of having fresh flowers right by your Bible!

    Praying for you and trusting that He is doing the slow and precious work of conforming you to the image of His Son :)


  2. Thank you for your encouragement, Lisha. God puts people in our lives I believe to push us forward and help us persevere when life is just tough. I know I can't do this life without God, but I also can't do it without the support of my Christian family. Praying God will bless you and keep you :)