Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Praying for a Servant's Heart

I have been praying--admittedly not as wholeheartedly as I should--that the Lord would refine me and give me a servant's heart. By nature I am an extremely selfish creature. When my children wake up early, I berate them because I am inconvenienced. When they spill food all over the floor or wet the bed for the seven hundredth time, I lose my temper because that's just one more thing for me to do. When my husband tells me something I don't want to hear, I feel resentment, even anger, towards him. Clearly, I need a complete makeover if I even want to resemble a servant.  
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others better than yourselves."
-Philippians 2:3
My desire for the heart of a servant at this particular point in time stems from a realization that this life I lead is not mine. It is God's. He has put me right where I am, in this very moment, for a specific purpose: to be a helpmate to my husband and a mother to our children. While I enjoy being home with our kids, I have always thought longingly about the day when they would start school, and I would have my life back.  You know, the life before kids.  The life of leisure.  {See, I told you I'm selfish.} But I have been slowly coming to see that this isn't the path God has in mind for me.  My heart and my conscience tell me that He is calling me to homeschool our children. Yet, my selfish sinful nature has been fighting tooth and nail against that calling because of what it will mean for me.

Needless to say, reconciling God's will for my life with my will is not going so well.
"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

-Philippians 2:4
Therefore, the focus of my prayer life lately has been on my heart transformation because I know that I struggle with putting my husband and children before myself.  And if I want to succeed in God's purpose for me, then I need a heart change {probably more like a heart transplant}.
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made Himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
He humbled Himself
and became obedient to death--
even death on a cross!

-Philippians 2:5-8
More than anything, though, I want to be a servant to my family.  I want to possess a heart like Christ, to be willing to sacrifice my needs and wants for the needs and wants of my husband and children. But it's going to mean a real heart change for me.  It's going to mean humbly surrendering my will to His.

Are you facing a similar struggle right now, or have you endured one in the past? 

I pray God's richest blessings on you as you continue to grow in His glory.


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  1. Keri - I think that this is something that we all need to pray about as Christian wives and mothers. I know for myself personally, it is way easier to react out of my flesh rather than to react with grace and mercy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  2. Keri - I have been where you are. I did homeschool my children for 16 years. The first thing I learned is that homeschooling isn't something you do, it's how you live. It was hard, very hard at times, but I do not regret a single moment. I miss it now that they (4 of them) are out living their lives. There is a closeness with homeschooling that you will find no where else, and I miss that the most. I think they miss all those crazy field trips I came up with...the Oregon Trail backwards... probably the most crazy, ambitious, and amazingly fun! :) I will be praying for you. ~Melissa M